Are there ever times when you are not resentful towards your condition? –Morgan Walter
I don’t think there was ever a time I was “resentful” of my condition. Sad – confused – anxious, yes, but I wouldn’t say I ever felt resentful.
I remember crying twice after I had my stroke. One time was the night of my ten-year high school reunion. I cried because I was confined to a bed. Half my body was still weak enough that I could not move without assistance. Severe hemiparesis robbed me of my independence. So many simple freedoms were suddenly stolen from me. I couldn’t hold my babies. I was frustrated, confused, hurt and battered only ten years after graduating high school. No one expects that. I cried not for where I should have been that night but where I was at that moment.
My tears didn’t last long and soon gave way to laughter as the reality of the night became clear. I couldn’t walk, but the reunion was at a bar. At least, I had an excuse for when I stumbled and needed to have someone wrap their arm around me to hold me up and keep me going straight. I was still learning how to pronounce words again, but at least I had a speech therapist who said it was normal for me to slur my words. I couldn’t drive; I hoped someone was taking the keys away from my former classmates as they left the bar. I chuckled because, in reality, I was not far off from where these former classmates were. And one thing was certain in my mind…. When I was served breakfast in bed the next morning, my head wasn’t going to hurt nearly as bad as theirs.
It is okay to cry. It is important to grieve for things you lose, but remember it is also okay to laugh. We still need to embrace the gifts which remain. Never stop looking for the unexpected gifts life delivers.
The second time I was brought to tears was written about in the blog post: Playing Piano In My Mind.
But was I resentful? No, I don’t remember the feeling of resentment. This has truly been a path of recovery and discovery. I left behind what I lost but found ways to make what remains stronger. I embraced the reality that life is short, and we should celebrate everything we have in this moment. Carpe Diem – Seize the Day
“When you arise in the morning think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love …”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations