Overcoming obstacles with Optimism

Seizures Move Me

You are not alone.  You may be the caretaker, a mother or father, husband or wife.  Maybe you are a person who has had epilepsy for years.  Possibly you are reading this seeking information because of a recent partial complex seizure the doctor said you had.  Whoever you are: You are not alone.  Seizures moved you in some way.  Seizures move us all.   Whether it is the emotional stress creating tears that slide down your face or the physical pain causing you to wake with sore muscles strained from uncontrolled contractions, seizure continue to move us.

EEG recording in hospital

Seizures move me.  They really do.  Seizures move me mentally.  They move me emotionally.  Physically, seizures truly move me.  I started having “staring spells” when I was in eighth grade.  The first tonic-clonic struck when I was in eleventh grade.  At that time, I still did not fully understand what was going on.  Ignorance was bliss for me.  Seizures merely annoyed me.  Eventually they made me angry.  I was frustrated that they came and stole my nighttime hours.  I was scared.  I did not know when the next moments of confusion would come.  Because of this ongoing dread, I labeled epilepsy my “Disease of Waiting”.

I remember the first time I saw myself in a seizure.  I had one taped, so I could see what caused me to wake feeling like I had run thirty miles throughout the night.  Watching the video I was awed.  I hurt mentally.  Suddenly I had sympathy filled with pain for what my family had to observe over the years.  You see, tonic-clonic seizures do not physically cause immediate pain to the person seizing.  I was always aware of the aura.  I knew when I was going to slip into a grand mal seizure where I would shake and twist my body uncontrollably.  I woke with tiny red spots around my eyes from ruptured capillaries because of choking that occurred as I seized.  I would be confused and concerned when I woke up.  Yet, I had no memory of the pain that others assumed I was feeling.  This is one comfort I would like to offer the caregivers of epileptics: The person that is lying there experiencing uncontrolled movements, gurgling and making mysterious moaning noises is not in discomfort or pain.  During this phase, they cannot feel what is happening.  The mind has given us a gift of making individuals unaware of anything they may feel during tonic-clonic seizures.

Please, always remember seizures can do permanent harm and must be taken seriously.  In the past, I was neither concerned nor worried about what seizures did to me.  I was frustrated at how they interrupted my waking hours by disrupting my nights.  I did not understand how dangerous they could be until I went into status.  I was lucky my family was around to insist I receive medical attention.  I woke after no less than seven consecutive tonic-clonic seizures to find part of my memory erased.  Whether you are new to epilepsy or are familiar with your usual seizure pattern, if the seizure seems abnormal or lasts an extended time, seek medical attention immediately.

Seizures move everyone they touch.  It is a Disease of Waiting.  We never know when the next one will move us.  Hopefully never.  Usually they will be back at some point sneaking into our waking hours or stealing us from peaceful dreams.  Please know though that when you do wake, as you process the pain and sadness, concern or misery, you are not alone.  Many others out there feel the same way you do.  Many people are moved by seizures.

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Comments on: "Seizures Move Me" (11)

  1. danita said:

    Tara, I am moved by your life story. It is amazing how you have turned adversity into victory, and have given many a new perspective, and hope for the “PRESENT”.

  2. Danita,

    It is so nice to have you stop by! Thank you for your warm words. I greatly appreciate it.

    Tara

  3. Tara I wanted to say thank you for reading my blog. Not sure if you are like me, I come over here and read, but not always something to say. No lightbulb going off LOL is what I mean. I often keep up with all my blog friends, but lately have not felt like saying much. I am at home alone with hubby traveling, writing, reading, and missing my son. I miss my kids when they were little, I ran two businesses, and loved being busy. Now I am not. Its hard to get used to when you hit fifty. I see now why people go through break downs, and even harder when illness is involved. I think you remember my daughter passed eleven years ago? I am having a hard time because after she passed 9/11 happened and I was numb to the loss of others. I just kept thinking, how can I feel pain for them when I am in my own misery of loss.

    You help remind me there are far greater pains out there. I do have my own other physical issues, but I am thankful I can read and type on the computer 🙂

    My you have a good weekend, and keep writing. I get your feed each time you write and come over, but may not always write something 🙂

    hugs

    Elizabeth

    • Elizabeth,

      It is nice to see you here. I do read your posts often. Like you, I tend to be quiet…frequent reader, seldom commenter. 🙂

      Today is 9/11. I was thinking about you this morning and hoping this day passes quickly and peacefully for you. Both events were tragic, but nothing more so than losing a child. I am glad you are still reading and typing on the computer. It is a good outlet. It is a way to live and interact with the world even when we are not able to get out and be as interactive as we used to have the opportunity to be.

      Keep on keeping on and know that I am sending you a big hug.

      Tara

  4. Hello Tara,

    Like the others who commented, I too learn much. Knowledge can help sustain compassion for others. For I as well as many others, can lose that quickly as our days become so hectic.

    Gratefulness is not the least of which we need to remember. When I read your posts, I always come away with generous helpings of compassion and gratefulness. Thank you, Tara.

    Barbara

    • Barbara,

      It is so nice to have you stop by! 🙂 It is I that needs to thank you. Thank you for your kind words. They mean a lot to me. I hope you are having an enjoyable weekend.

      Tara

  5. I like that Tara ‘Keep on keeping on’ kind of like the 70’s Keep on truckin, although it has another meaning from old rag time days 🙂

    Thanks for your comment- I was told that line about the shuttle was brilliant by a fellow writer 🙂 I did fine, keep to myself and cleaned out my closets upstairs! Yay!

  6. Thank you for sharing our experiences with us. You enlighten us all with your honesty and candor. I know a little more not than I did before I read your post. Thank you.

  7. Tara, thank you so much for sharing about your own seizure experiences. I’m so sorry that you have to go through that. But how blessed we are that you use it to then help others. Like me! I love, love, love your attitude. Jesus shines through you. 🙂
    love and prayers for your day!

  8. Thank you so much for your comment on my blog! I hope your journey with epilepsy gets easier. As a parent I feel helpless sometimes, but your words give me comfort! Your words are inspirational and powerful! Thank you! Keep fighting! xx

    • Thank you for your kind words. I am so glad you took time to stop by. I cannot imagine the struggle it is to watch your child have a seizure. I am glad my words have given you some peace. I think it is important to share as much as I can regarding epilepsy. I know I have had some struggles, but it is these struggles that have made me the strong person I am today. Even if I can help one person with what I have learned, it was well worth the trials I am overcoming.

      Thanks again for stopping by and taking time to comment. Warm wishes to you and your family!

      Tara

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